we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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