omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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