Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
