Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
