just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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