I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
