yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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