I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
