I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
