Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize