i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
