Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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