You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
