Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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