i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
