i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
