I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
