glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
