Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
whose parrot is this?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
