I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
People in love make me want to vomit
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
3 2 1 whiskey
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize