did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.