I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?