this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My ass is underappreciated
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice