Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall