Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
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We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say