4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.