It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.