I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.