You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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