Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
