He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
bring money and cleavage
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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