just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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