Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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