FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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