my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
