so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
