smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wannas sexs uuuuu
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
