I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
