She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
