So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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