My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
