The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just high enough for therapy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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