The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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