Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
