remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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