MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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