smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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