If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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