Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
