Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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