Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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