carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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