I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
there was a trapeze. enough said
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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