I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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