tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
either way he was missing a nipple.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
