i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
