Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
