are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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