that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
