i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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