hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
