There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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