I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
