I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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