I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
